Starting This Blog Again

Going to ditch my MySpace blog and start using this one. All of the blogs below are very old... so ignore them unless for some sick reason you are interested in my life from many years ago...

Daddy Who?

It's starting already...

Last week, my 3 year old daughter got her first Valentine's Bear from a boy.

We took her over to a playground where she wanted daddy to push her on the swings and play with her. At least until this little boy named Owen came up and they started talking. He offered Hailee a little fuzzy white bear that was holding a rose, and she was infatuated with him. They spent the rest of the time playing together, hiding under the jungle gym, talking and laughing.

Argh!!! NO BOYS!!!!

When I'm Gone

Gotta add this to my blog just cause I know exactly how it feels.... Great Song Em!

When I'm Gone - by Eminem

Yeah...
It's my life...
My own words I guess...

Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armour
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'em

But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?
And everything you stand for, turns on you to spite you?
What happens when you become the main source of a pain?
"Daddy look what I made", Dad's gotta go catch a plane

"Daddy where's Mommy? I can't find Mommy where is she?"
I don't know go play Hailie, baby, your Daddy's busy
Daddy's writing a song, this song ain't gonna write itself
I'll give you one underdog then you gotta swing by yourself

Then turn right around on that song and tell her you love her
And put hands on her mother, who's a spitting image of her
That's Slim Shady, yeah baby, Slim Shady's crazy
Shady made me, but tonight Shady's rocka-by-baby...

[Chorus]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back...


I keep having this dream, I'm pushin' Hailie on the swing
She keeps screaming, she don't want me to sing
"You're making Mommy cry, why? Why is Mommy crying?"
Baby, Daddy ain't leaving no more, "Daddy you're lying

"You always say that, you always say this is the last time
"But you ain't leaving no more, Daddy you're mine"
She's piling boxes in front of the door trying to block it
"Daddy please, Daddy don't leave, Daddy - no stop it!"

Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket
It's got a picture, "this'll keep you safe Daddy, take it withcha'"
I look up, it's just me standing in the mirror
These fuckin' walls must be talking, cuz man I can hear 'em

They're saying "You've got one more chance to do right" - and it's tonight
Now go out there and show that you love 'em before it's too late
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door
It's turns to a stage, they're gone, and this spotlight is on
And I'm singing...

[Chorus]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back...


Sixty thousand people, all jumping out their seat
The curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my feet
I take a bow and thank you all for coming out
They're screaming so loud, I take one last look at the crowd

I glance down, I don't believe what I'm seeing
"Daddy it's me, help Mommy, her wrists are bleeding,"
But baby we're in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden?
"I followed you Daddy, you told me that you weren't leavin'

"You lied to me Dad, and now you make Mommy sad
"And I bought you this coin, it says 'Number One Dad'
"That's all I wanted, I just want to give you this coin
"I get the point - fine, me and Mommy are going"

But baby wait, "it's too late Dad, you made the choice
"Now go out there and show 'em that you love 'em more than us"
That's what they want, they want you Marshall, they keep.. screamin' your name
It's no wonder you can't go to sleep.

Just take another pill
Yeah, I bet you you will. You rap about it, yeah, word, can't keep it real
I hear applause, all this time I couldn't see
How could it be, that the curtain is closing on me

I turn around, find a gun on the ground, cock it
Put it to my brain and scream "die Shady" and pop it
The sky darkens, my life flashes, the plane that I was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes

That's when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin', there's birds singin'
It's Spring and Hailie's outside swinging, I walk right up to Kim and kiss her
Tell her I miss her, Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister
Almost as if to say..

[Chorus]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back...

I'm Still Here

Haven't written much in my blog, mainly due to how busy I've been. I really wonder where people find the time to write as much as they do in these things. Between the new job, my daughter, and the holidays, spare time is hard to find.

The new job is going very well so far. To be totally honest, it's a huge stretch for me. I went from running a small software project, to running a large multi million dollar project for a billion dollar company. I've gone from playing ping pong with engineers to drinking and schmoozing with executives. My day is a lot less about software and engineering, and a lot more about business. Working at GE makes me feel like I'm on The Apprentice. As long as I can avoid hearing my boss say, "You're Fired!", I'll be ok.

I am bummed though that our neighbors are moving. I've lived in enough places to know how important good neighbors are, and Brian and Melissa were great neighbors. I'm really sad to see them go.

Hailee and Kristie are doing well. Hailee turned three recently. She is growing like crazy, and really starting to become a little girl. It still amazes me when we sit down and have entire conversations now, instead of just one or two sentances. I'll have to start blogging some of the funny things she says.

Cody is.... well... Cody is Cody. The dog is just so annoying sometimes, but then he can be so cute too. For whatever reason he was following me around all day today and kept curling up at my feet, keeping my toes warm. I'm sure once he realizes that he's not getting any treats because of it, he'll go back to stealing my socks.

Well that's a quick update for now. Take care to anyone who's still reading this.

Changes They Are A Coming

I think you can probably judge my stress level by how often I post something in my blog. It's been awhile since I last wrote something, which directly relates to how much stuff is going on in my life right now. So this entry is just going to serve as a brief reader's digest update of what's goin on.

First off, my grandfather passed away a few weeks ago. This hit me pretty hard because he was a man that I greatly respected. He was a man of conviction. He served his country, worked hard, loved his family, and loved God. We had lost touch over the years, but it never lessened my feelings for him. I went up to Colville to help my mom with anything she needed in handling the estate, and she also wanted me to see if there was anything left that Kristie and I could use. After a few off color jokes by my brother and I about how we were looting the house like Katrina victims, we took home some tables that we could use in our front room. Which up until this point I have called the fireplace room, because there is nothing else in it.

After that it was time to drive down to California to visit my grandmother and cousins. We stayed down in California for a few days, and I was happy the Hailee got to spend some good time with her great grandmother. We also were able to see Paula, Bonnie, and Yvonne, which was really nice. Next time we go down I'll need to actually try and plan the trip so we can be sure to see everyone.

Work was still hectic during all this. We were supposed to be getting a release out, and it was held up due to some last minute defects. Anyone who knows me knows that this was stressing me out immensly. Thankfully things seemed to go ok, and the relese finally was delivered.

To top it all off, while I'm driving down to California, I received an official offer from GE to come work for them. Kristie and I sort of knew this might be coming, and I had decided to take it, depending on what the official offer ended up being. The offer is actually slightly less than I am making now, but it's close enough that I think we'll be ok. And I think it's a real good opportunity for me.

So as I write this... I'm nervous and anxious to start a new job. It's never an easy thing to leave a job you've been at for almost 8 years. I've grown pretty comfortable at my position here at Mentor, but I think this will be a change for the best.

I Can Smell It!

Can you smell it?? Can you feel it?? I can! The smell of fresh cut grass.... The slight cool breeze blowing through the air... the scent of blood and sweat. Oh yeah baby.. football is coming again!! College football.. go Cougs! Pro.. da Raiders!! Oh yeah.. can't wait to see Moss light it up! Even fantasy football is starting... Team D-Cleater looking for another championship. Woo hoo!! Time to lace up the cleats and bring your big boy pads. I always want to hit something around this time of year.

"In the warrior's code, there's no surrender
Though his body says stop, his spirit cries never
Deep in our soul a quiet ember
Knows it's you against you
It's the paradox that drives us on
It's a battle of wills, in the heat of attack
It's the passion that kills
The victory is yours alone"

The Medium of Change

Blogs are changing the world?? http://msn.pcworld.com/news/article/0,aid,121663,00.asp

That's a scary thought

Starry Night

Sometimes I wish I had the gift to express my feelings in poetry. To be able to write with words, and get across the depth of my feelings. But alas, I do not. The closest medium that I have is my photography, and even with that, I lack the skill to truly expose my thoughts. And it's not as if I have deep thoughts, like some philosopher or man of wisdom. I lack the ability to express thoughts that are really not that complex. Fortuantly, I don't think I'm alone in that regard. I think many of us are looking for ways to express ourselves, and feeling like we are failing at it. I wonder how many out there are also searching... not for answers.. but simply for a way to express and share our thoughts.

Tonight I sat beneath a clear night sky, looking at the stars. I saw the Big Dipper, one of the few childhood lessons that stuck with me. It's fascinating to me the things you learn that stick with you, as compared with all the things you learn and forget. But that's topic for a different night. Tonight, I sat and marveled at the stars, and how insignificant they can make you feel.

Have you ever looked at the stars and wondered how many others out there in the world were doing the same thing? Looking at the same stars? Have you ever thought about how when you are long gone, and all memory of you has faded, that the same stars will be there, shining brightly over someone else, thinking the same thing? I think that is part of why I enjoy landscape photography so much. On one hand I know I'm catching a moment that no one else saw, and yet on another hand, I'm photographing a place that has been the same for ages, and will be the same long after I am gone. It's humbling to stand atop the great divide.